“Perception is reality.” It’s a phrase we hear constantly, but is it actually hindering the next generation of leaders?

In my keynote, “Stop Drowning and Just Stand Up,” I challenge the way athletic administrators handle student-athlete feedback—particularly for young women.

We live in an age of liability. To protect athletes, we’ve leaned heavily on “open door policies” and “anonymous reporting.”
While these are vital for safety, there is a risk of stunting the student-athlete’s personal growth.

The Scenario:
A female athlete feels “bullied” because a coach was yelling during training. She files an anonymous report. The administrator tells the coach to “change their tone” because an athlete is uncomfortable.
The coach’s intention is cancelled out by an athlete’s perception.

The Problem:
When we fix the problem for the athlete without involving them in the solution, we do them a disservice. We aren’t preparing them for the working world; we are getting them in the habit of believing that when they are uncomfortable, someone else will fix it.

The Shift:
We need to move from “Perception is reality” to “THEIR perception is THEIR reality.”
As administrators and coaches, our job isn’t just to mitigate complaints—it could be to teach self-leadership. We must bridge the chasm between taking a complaint and teaching a young woman how to navigate a difficult conversation.

Instead of just “fixing” the coach, try asking the athlete:
1️⃣ Was the coach yelling at you, or just talking loudly to the group?
2️⃣ What was the context? Did something specific trigger the intensity?
3️⃣ Have you shared your feelings with the coach directly?
4️⃣ Would you like me to join you for a conversation with them?

Growth is stunted when the solution is always external.

Effective leadership begins with self-leadership, and self-leadership requires self-understanding.

“Let’s stop lowering the water level and start teaching them how to find their footing.”💪

I discuss this shift in my keynote:
“Stop Drowning and Just Stand Up: Encouraging self-understanding in high-achieving females to exhibit Confident Leadership.”

I’m on a mission to help athletic departments bridge the gap between student-athlete support and leadership development. My keynote gives administrators the tools to foster self-understanding in high-achieving females.